If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize