I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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