Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
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i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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