I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize