I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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