There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize