I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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