i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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