I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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