I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize