Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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