Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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