Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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