It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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