You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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