so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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