Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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