When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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