proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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