he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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