i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize