i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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