lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just tell him i said nine months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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