Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize