My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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