I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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