Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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