I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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