my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize