evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize