There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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