Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The air taste purple.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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