Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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