he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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