i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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