i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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