Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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