Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize