don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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