i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
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What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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