its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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