Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize