I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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