Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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