im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
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