1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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