took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize