If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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