Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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