just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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